A Pivotal Point

I really feel like I'm going through a really important time in my life right now. Not like every other time isn't important, but this is a pivotal point in my life where I'm beginning to make a lot of changes in myself and I'm really struggling to find my way and to get things in order. It's strange how the Lord helps you get into these situations, these times in your life, these crises, if you will.

So I must be in my "I've made it to adulthood, so now what?" life crisis. To be completely immersed in this crisis and not drown is taking all that I have to give. Life is hard, and whoever thinks that someone has got it easy is sorely mistaken.

For so long I have been becoming this hard-hearted, cold, selfish person. It hasn't happened overnight, but I've been faintly aware of my transformation. And a series of events that have occurred recently have placed the ugly mirror of reality in front of me. Dating an amazing guy and watching myself sabotage our relationship when he did nothing wrong, going home and watching myself treat my family less than they deserve, and lastly being betrayed by people I thought were my friends.

Perhaps the hardest part about coming to this terrible realization is that there is no easy remedy. There is no prescriptive way to cure my pride, my selfishness, my bitterness. The tools I'm given to overcome are small in numbers, but I'm hoping that they will eventually lead me to the true happiness that I am seeking. The Atonement, my family, my friends.