Not him.... Him

Is it normal that I want to hear from him? Just to hear that he's doing okay... and maybe to know that he still thinks of me? Maybe even that he might care a little bit that I'm doing well? I feel like that's normal... As short-lived as it may have been, we shared something special.

As normal as it might be to desire to hear from him... I don't desire it enough to go seeking his attention. There is another man whom I should be seeking after instead. My Lord and my Savior. He would never lie to me, deceive me, take advantage of me, or do anything to harm me. He is perfect. He wants what is best for me. He is patient, kind, and full of love. He is honest. He is all that I need-- with Him alone I am happy and life is full of joy-- if I will but seek after Him.

Consider this an action of seeking. Lord, I need Your strength. I need Your comfort. I need Your love. Lord, see my heart's desires to know Thee and my love to obey thy commandments. I need Your spirit to guide me. Without Your spirit, I can achieve nothing. Everything that I do comes from Thee.

Institute: Alma 32

Brother Evans is an excellent Institute teacher. He presents things so clearly and it is so easy to understand-- he teaches by the spirit.

Last night the lesson was on Alma 32. More specifically on faith. Usually this lesson is about how "faith is like a little seed." But this time, it was different.

The seed is the "word," not faith. Faith is the desire to garden. You have to have faith IN your seed that it will grow. And you have to have enough faith to keep watering your seed and nurturing it. Your faith isn't what grows, but the "word" grows within your heart. Of course, as the "word" grows, your faith is reinforced and increases, but the word is what grows. It sounded so much more succinct and clear when he said it last night.

Now, for a story about how I put my faith in a seed and how that seed has grown to bear wonderful fruit!

I started working for Ann Taylor LOFT in September 2009. By October, I had expressed interest in the sales lead position that Andrea was trying to fill. She had me interview, and she started grooming me for the position. She had me go around to different stores to meet different prominent people in the district. The key person she had me meet was Leslie, the store manager for Northpark.

Andrea wanted to hire me for the position. The only catch... I'd have to work Sundays. I had decided to try my faith and be obedient. Keeping the Sabbath day holy is one of the ten commandments-- It's kind of a big deal! So on numerous occasions I made it very clear that I don't want to work Sundays for religious reasons. They kept persisting and both Andrea and Annett believed in me so much that they kept persevering on getting me into that sales lead position. In order to get Sundays off as a sales lead, I would need the District Manager's approval. When I initially wanted the position, Rebecca was the DM. She is currently on maternity leave, and Leslie is the acting DM until she returns. Annett, acting in her faith on me, approached Leslie with a proposition: I can have my Sundays off, as long as I work every Saturday. Annett admitted to me her utter shock that Leslie went for it. She said she would have never expected her to go for it, but she did! She said she didn't know why-- but I did. The Lord blessed me for my obedience.

Before hearing this news, I had decided that I wanted to transfer to the Watters Creek location, because it is half the distance from my house than Willow Bend is. I figured at least I can save on gas if I can't get a raise because I won't give up my Sundays. Little did I know that they needed a Sales Lead at Watters Creek. I would need the store manager's go ahead to get my Sundays off-- and she would have to like me enough to hire me onto her team. She was fine with the Sundays AND she liked me!

So because I was patient, and because I was obedient, I am getting promoted (including a pay raise), and I will save money on gas, and I will save driving time.

My heart is so full of gratitude. I've never had something work so much in my favor.

Life. Love. Christ.

It just so happens that I am in love with my life here on this earth. It is the greatest blessing that I have a body and that I have living breath in my lungs. I have a body that functions well, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a family that loves me more than anything in the world. And they are mine forever and ever. I know who I owe my life to, and that is all that I need.

Christ is my savior. He hears my cries and He loves me and knows me. He knows what I need. He hears my cries when no one else even knows there is anything wrong. His timing is genius, and I wouldn't have it any other way. How powerful His gospel is! Every bit of it! I challenege anyone who doesn't know it to be true to simply commit your life to obedience with your whole heart and let it transform you. It is incredible. To feel your heart change... to feel your life change... to feel joy--true joy-- perhaps for the very first time in your life... It is amazing. I highly recommend it.

It's that time of the year...

With the dawn of a new decade, it is a time for reflection on the past, and optimism for the future.

2009 seemed to last 3 years to me. This new year is more than just a new year for me. It is a symbol of rebirth, or a continuation of a fresh start that I've already begun. This new year seems to be the first year of the rest of my life-- as if I haven't really been living up until now. In a lot of ways, I wasn't really living at all. I was battered and bruised, and down on myself. I really thought I was just fine, really. However, by comparison to what I am today, I was miserable. The last several years are all blurred together into one mess of melancholy misery, a longing for something unknown. How wonderful it is to have found that happiness that I so desperately longed for! And with that truth and happiness, I have new life.

So for the first time, I am celebrating a new year for what it is. I am not biding my time until my next temporary high, or just passing the time until I find true happiness. I am celebrating this new year because life goes right on past you, whether you find happiness and joy in it or not-- so why not choose to enjoy it?

And as we all know, the key to happiness is through Christ. Without him, true happiness cannot exist, for joy stems from truth.