Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I am so flustered.
After all the effort I have gone to explore my mind and find out what it is that I want and need, and after all the effort I have gone to in order to try and explain it to him, he didn't even realize that I was trying so hard to answer his stupid questions.
And he claims he hasn't demanded anything of me. He's been demanding answers from me this whole time. I try so hard to answer his stupid questions and he's never satisfied!
I've done my best to figure out what it is that I want and need... has he done this? Does he even know what he wants and needs? How can I even begin to meet his demands if he doesn't even know what he wants?
First and foremost, I want a friend. A friend would never demand such things from me. He keeps asking me what he has demanded from me. Does he not realize what kind of demands I must be feeling from him? He is demanding a commitment. A commitment of my time, a commitment of my efforts to try try TRY TRY to love him. He demands answers! He demands answers, but when I provide answers contrary to what he wants to hear, he claims that I am not answering his questions. You mean, I'm not giving you the answers that you want. And he doesn't even see my efforts!!
After all the effort I have gone to explore my mind and find out what it is that I want and need, and after all the effort I have gone to in order to try and explain it to him, he didn't even realize that I was trying so hard to answer his stupid questions.
And he claims he hasn't demanded anything of me. He's been demanding answers from me this whole time. I try so hard to answer his stupid questions and he's never satisfied!
I've done my best to figure out what it is that I want and need... has he done this? Does he even know what he wants and needs? How can I even begin to meet his demands if he doesn't even know what he wants?
First and foremost, I want a friend. A friend would never demand such things from me. He keeps asking me what he has demanded from me. Does he not realize what kind of demands I must be feeling from him? He is demanding a commitment. A commitment of my time, a commitment of my efforts to try try TRY TRY to love him. He demands answers! He demands answers, but when I provide answers contrary to what he wants to hear, he claims that I am not answering his questions. You mean, I'm not giving you the answers that you want. And he doesn't even see my efforts!!
Monday, March 2, 2009
One thing that I'm learning about life, is that it doesn't stop and wait for you to catch your breath, and it doesn't wait for you to figure things out. Just like the waves in the ocean, it doesn't ever pause to give you a break.
This school year seems that I've never quite been able to get a firm grip on life. I just haven't been able to get things under control as much as I'd like.
In Brother Compton's terms, I'm being "had" by life. Instead of "having" my life. How unfortunate it is that I haven't been able to get a grip!!
It seems though, that opportunities are coming my way that will help me to feel like I've got more control over things. Job, Internship, inching upon graduation.... Things are slowly beginning to fall into place! Hopefully that trend continues!
On another note, I saw him today. Twice, actually. Haha, I thought he was just really good at avoiding me the last few days but then I remembered that he was out of town on business or whatever he was doing. I had a nice little chuckle to myself that I was really so self-centered to think that he wasn't around just on my account. I hope his trip was successful.
We're reading this book titled "Identity Based Conflict" in my Conflict and Culture class... and a lot of it really applies to the conflict that we've had going on.
"Identity-driven conflicts are rooted in the articulation of, and the threats or frustrations to, people's collective need for dignity, recognition, safety, control, purpose, and efficacy.... To creatively manage a conflict when individual and group identity is at stake, core concerns-- survival, recognition, dignity-- must be surface and addressed" (7-8).
"Compromising over such essential concerns as safety, dignity, control over destiny, or ultimately over identity, is out of the question. These things are not up for bargaining. If people feel they will be forced to compromise over such existential issues, they dig in their heels and say, 'No way! I'd much rather have this conflict.' The cost of compromise is not worth the benefit of settlement" (9).
"Through a guided discussion about what adversaries care about most deeply and why, disputants may begin to speak so their opponents can listen, and listen so their opponents can speak. Such dialogue makes possible reconciliatory action to transform destructive tendencies into creative realities" (9).
"These disputes [identity based conflict] are usually, at their source, very complex, relatively intangible, and often hard to define clearly. However, they regularly become simplified and focused upon scarce resources which, though concrete, overshadow or even subvert the deeper elements at stake....In fact such conflicts are so intangible and hard to define because they arise from the depths of the human heart rather than the material world" (11).
"Only when people are clear about their own values and motivations can they truly say what they mean. And only when they can fully articulate what they mean can they act upon their ideas. Conflict arises from a mismatch of words and deeds, which is itself rooted in lack of clarity. It is not that people intentionally deceive themselves or lack integrity when engaged in conflict; rather, their own tacit assumptions usually remain just that-- tacit, unarticulated, and unexamined. Deep conflict, if it is to be transformed and made creative, requires a profound clarity of thought and action; forging an integration of thought and action is one of the gifts of successful conflict engagement and may be profoundly transforming" (18).
Interesting, huh?
This school year seems that I've never quite been able to get a firm grip on life. I just haven't been able to get things under control as much as I'd like.
In Brother Compton's terms, I'm being "had" by life. Instead of "having" my life. How unfortunate it is that I haven't been able to get a grip!!
It seems though, that opportunities are coming my way that will help me to feel like I've got more control over things. Job, Internship, inching upon graduation.... Things are slowly beginning to fall into place! Hopefully that trend continues!
On another note, I saw him today. Twice, actually. Haha, I thought he was just really good at avoiding me the last few days but then I remembered that he was out of town on business or whatever he was doing. I had a nice little chuckle to myself that I was really so self-centered to think that he wasn't around just on my account. I hope his trip was successful.
We're reading this book titled "Identity Based Conflict" in my Conflict and Culture class... and a lot of it really applies to the conflict that we've had going on.
"Identity-driven conflicts are rooted in the articulation of, and the threats or frustrations to, people's collective need for dignity, recognition, safety, control, purpose, and efficacy.... To creatively manage a conflict when individual and group identity is at stake, core concerns-- survival, recognition, dignity-- must be surface and addressed" (7-8).
"Compromising over such essential concerns as safety, dignity, control over destiny, or ultimately over identity, is out of the question. These things are not up for bargaining. If people feel they will be forced to compromise over such existential issues, they dig in their heels and say, 'No way! I'd much rather have this conflict.' The cost of compromise is not worth the benefit of settlement" (9).
"Through a guided discussion about what adversaries care about most deeply and why, disputants may begin to speak so their opponents can listen, and listen so their opponents can speak. Such dialogue makes possible reconciliatory action to transform destructive tendencies into creative realities" (9).
"These disputes [identity based conflict] are usually, at their source, very complex, relatively intangible, and often hard to define clearly. However, they regularly become simplified and focused upon scarce resources which, though concrete, overshadow or even subvert the deeper elements at stake....In fact such conflicts are so intangible and hard to define because they arise from the depths of the human heart rather than the material world" (11).
"Only when people are clear about their own values and motivations can they truly say what they mean. And only when they can fully articulate what they mean can they act upon their ideas. Conflict arises from a mismatch of words and deeds, which is itself rooted in lack of clarity. It is not that people intentionally deceive themselves or lack integrity when engaged in conflict; rather, their own tacit assumptions usually remain just that-- tacit, unarticulated, and unexamined. Deep conflict, if it is to be transformed and made creative, requires a profound clarity of thought and action; forging an integration of thought and action is one of the gifts of successful conflict engagement and may be profoundly transforming" (18).
Interesting, huh?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Bamboo
